I'm here for the sex!

Daniel Fairclough & Nicolas Deluca pose for 'Super friends'

Ok so with the return of NBA Jam I think it best to highlight who would make the cut for the best duo in Glenhaven footballing history! Who would you pick? Does Nadia Petrova remind you of a fat guy in Canada?


It's a heavy task and much like Mikey Robbins I carry a weight too much for any human to stand. While his weight is his huge arse and lack of humour, mine is the weight of responisbility to pair up the best duos since Charles & Eddie. Let's do this thing!

Geoffrey Werner & Hayden Cooper


Strengths: Knowing each other inside and out

Weaknesses: That doesn't really translate to success on the field

Special move: Love.... (WTF?)

Chance of selection: 3% - Aimed at the gay and women over 40 market.



George & his Abs


Strengths: - Ab work.
- Girls.

Weaknesses: - Articulating himself in English.
- Abs can get cocky and do their own thing.
- Cannot play on sand covered pitches.

Special move: Pressing the X button 3 times intiates Manpower mode where George and his Abs dance to "You can leave your hat on" in a red velvet covered room.

Chance of selection: 100% in Japan (they like his girlish charm). 2% in Germany (they criticise his weak bone structure).

Hutcho & Chris


Strengths: - Music
- Drew Barrymore trivia
- Church guitar solos

Weaknesses: - manly things.
- A flat, A minor, B Sharp, C flat, F minor and high C above A
- possible non-existence of testicles


Special move: Hamlet on the axe. One recites Hamlet while the other jams out on his guitar.

Chance of selection: 0% in 'So you think you be a church guitar solo playinga ctor duo'



Mr Cool & Frank


Strengths: - Frank's superior bedroom skills and charm
- Mr Cool knows all the words to Jai Ho

Weaknesses: - Unable to provide discount naan ovens
- If mated, child may look like artist's impression above


Special move: Frank being Frank.

Chance of selection: 83% due to the Frank factor.



Cottee & Dowd



Strengths: - Hard work, sometimes 8 days a week
- Gold pouch around one member's neck
- Cool little hats
- Cool candle holders

Weaknesses: - Stereotype associates one as a poor athlete and having curly hair
- circumcisions

Special move: They'd all be special because getting this duo together may prove difficult due to a hectic work schedule and money swimming ala Scrooge McDuck.

Chance of selection: 100% in Hollywood, 5% elsewhere, 0.2351% in regional centres.

If you were a song, what would you be?

Sexy pikchur right? So it's the start of the season and material on the team lies somewhere between scarce and fuck all. I have had to put my Sports Journalist of the Year sash back on and really ask the team some hard hiting questions like what is their favourite song and why?

Mr Cool

Favourite song: Jai Ho - Pussycat Dolls



Why: At the risk of totally falling into a stereotype, I am Indian and I LOVE Bollywood. I just really get into it and am in total awe of some of the actors like Anupam Kher and Brahmanandam(Ed: adingdong Lolz). When a song like this comes along and I can wear a bindi and just dance it's like nothing matters. Nobody can tease my ears or my ice cold persona. I'm not Mr Cool I become just a fan of traditional dance and song where my spirit can run free and nobody will get discounted naan ovens... NOBODY!

Coach Geoff Werner

Favourite song: Buses & trains - Bachelor Girl



Why: When this song came out I had just got back from Daydream Island (aka George's abs) and it just struck me as my song. It was 1998 and this was my jam. I could go and dance in the clubs (I had just turned 18) or sit down with a white wine spritzer and just relax. The lyrics are total amazeballs too! "I walked under a bus...", it just reminds me of the time I hit a wombat in my VL. Plus the guy with glasses was a total fox!

Nick Deluca

Favourite song: The Corrs - Runaway



Why: I just love Irish music. The tin whistle and angelic voices. There is nothing better than slipping into a bubble bath with a glass of wine, some scented candles but I can never be fully relaxed until The Corrs is on. Runaway is obviously my favourite and started my love affiar with them some 15 years ago. Daniel always joked about wanting to do a few of the sisters but I just wanted to sit down with my walkman on, play with my Tamagotchi and read my Dolly magazine.

Brendan Dowd

Favourite song: Leonardo's Bride - Even When I'm Sleeping



Why: Best. Song. EVER! That is all. How can you not like your celebrity doppelganger?

Craig Hutchinson

Favourite song: Taxiride - Get Set



Why: When Taxiride first came out I was going through my rebellious phase. I was really mucking up at home doing the wrong thing. If I got told to eat my vegetables I'd eat everything except tomato and then say it's a fruit. You didn't tell me to eat my vegetables and fruit! I was quite wicked. When my drama mentor said that doing a one man version of Annie Get Your Gun was the most idiotic idea ever, I went and did a matinee session that was Annie Get Your Gun vs Cats where I chopped up the scenes and did them back to back. Fergus and Quincy said it was the best version they'd ever seen. After that, I put on my brown leather jacket with the velour elbow patches and walked out of the Year 8 quad singing Get Set. Great song!

Chris Hillard

Favourite song: Sheena Easton - Morning Train (9 to 5)



Why: I work all the time. 25 hours a day. 8 days a week. 53 weeks a year. I've often wondered what it would be like to work the simple hours. I think it would be like this film clip. Bicycles and steam trains. Can I finish now, it's 5pm and I don't knock off until 1am tomorrow?

Frank

Favourite song: Human Nature - Don't Say Goodbye



Why: Can I qualify this? I don't actually like, in fact I think it sounds terrible. The reason I have nominated it is because I nailed 6 birds at once due to this. I got a 7-some because of Human Nature. Why wouldn't I like it when I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!!!!


Wow, what an eclectic taste! Maybe one of them can be our anthem for the year?

theparrotblogger@gmail.com

Advertising Deal

So, this year I have sold the advertising rights to the new hit TV show 'Jersey Shore' shown on MTV. It is THE best show ever.

'Fist pumpin' like a champ'

Twitter

I have a twitter account. I can update it more regularly than a blog and will do so.

www.twitter.com/ParrotBlogger

You can also see that I have embeded it in the blog too!

You make me this way....

After feeling sufficiently better now that Christmas is over and the New Years resolutions to try and finger bang Paris Hilton have subsided, we can start to look forward to 2010 and all it has to offer. Even if your resolution to finger bang Paris Hilton quickly becomes an attempt to finger bang a Paris Hilton look-a-like that is in fact a certain Canadian-lodging-ski-instructor-course-taking-fat-man-no-not-Ski-the-delicious-yoghurt-but-ski-as-in-the-snow-variety.

Now what is the best thing about 2010? is it that a number of Parrots have cut off their testicles to spite their penis' by getting engaged? Is it the fact Hutcho has started a one-man dance troupe called Shoefeet? Is it the fact Frank is back and better looking than ever? Is it the attacks on Indian students have given us an unfortunate situation where any taunting of Mr Cool will now be racial vilification? No. The best thing about 2010 is the GHFA foosball-liga. Yay!

This year I am gonna call out more people than ever. Sure the fact Deluca gets injured more than Shane Watson's right labia is humourous and I get neverending mileage from it but won't it be great to hear who got crabs from a Belgian roller skating phenom? I can't wait to tell you about my summer and listen as you all whine about the disappointing 2009 finale to Home and Away. We can sit around in a circle braiding Geoff's back hair and sip sarsaparilla beneath your Zac Efron posters. Man.... 2010 could be our year!

P.S. Any new signings? Anyone leaving? Anyoen think the term 'gushing bride' sounds like one of Frank's home made movies about his days as a DJ on the bridal circuit?