Can I have the 2 minutes it took to read that back?

So. You know how sometimes you get things you didn't ask for? You know how the things are so painfully shit house that you'd rather sit through a Rove McManus monologue or apply vinegar to your freshly circumcised penis? You know these kind of things like a Hey! Hey! It's Saturday comeback or Paul McDermott singing?

"I've come to rape your ears with my boundless talent for turning the human voice and my lack of wit into a glacially paced song loaded with as much humour as a Hey Dad scriptwriter's apology to his wife for nailing Betty in her Walgett"

Well, we got another thing we didn't ask for this week. Another blog from Richard Reid. Apart from the seemingly incorrect use of actors for current Parrots (I had Michelle Kwan as Mr Cool, Tasma Walton as Dowd, Tom Selleck is the correct moustached choice to play Reynolds - Magnum P.I. era of course, Kevin James as Fairclough and that fat guy that played Gimli in Lord of the Rings to play Werns. Actually no, let's go for Oprah. No... Let's go for someone like Tony Robins that ate Gimli and Oprah. We need this character to be proportionately correct). Oh no, I've got caught up in the magic of it all and forgot where I was..... I was giving it to Richard Reid for infecting the internet with such a disgusting excuse for a blog. Reading that blog makes me feel like I did the first time I saw those Nikki Webster pics in FHM. Should I have a boner? Then I saw the non-photoshopped pics and realised that I should not have had a boner. No amount of Sard Wonder Soap can clean your mind of that image and no amount of Jif can scrub this filth from the internet.

I do however have a solution! I am willing to welcome Richard Reid into my internet bossom if we as Australians do one thing. I am willing to help pave the way for him and allow him to be revered in the god-like manner that you adore me. I will share my harem, my riches, my fame/infamy and most importantly my Segway!

So help me. Come along. Help me rid the world of Paul McDermott! I have already cut him out of the Doug Anthony All Stars poster in my bedroom and sang over all his songs. I have re-edited Good News Week to include only the guests, that fat guy who everybody cheers for losing weight even though he is still the biggest fat arse on tv and that awkward blonde completely devoid of funny comedienne. It actually turn into a good show! Wes Carr actually proves he isn't one dimensional and does a stand up job at a mop impersenation. One girl even fucked a mop, thinking it was him. Turns out it was his girlfriend and she reckons the mop is better!

Anyway. Get rid of Paul McDermott. He was born in Adelaide. ADELAIDE! I didn't even think that was still part of Australia. I thought it existed as some outlaw colony run under pseudo-marshall law where bacteria live in houses and Adelaide-ians live in bins as they are the least evolved form of life. I saw a documentary on Adelaide called Mad Max. You should watch it!

Snowtown residents offer bank tours to tourists. Come and chew the vat.... I mean fat.

So Richard, what do you say? Friends? You are such a Ross after all....