Your 2009 Parrots

And now the player introduction for 2009, in order of registration list. You've all been waiting for this....




Nathan Ottley
Position - EVERYWHERE!/Yet to be determined by Coach G Werner.
Likes - The Parrots.
Dislikes - The idea of being related to Cottee.
Nickname - Danielle/Dani/The Outlaw Inlaw
Highlights - Joining the Parrots
Lowlights - Not yet owning Parrot shorts.



Chris Harrison
Position - Fullback.
Likes - Chris Harrison, situps and general ab work.
Dislikes - Things that aren't Chris Harrison.
Nickname - George
Highlights - Getting so drunk that security intervention is required.
Lowlights - Getting so drunk that security intervention is required.
Quote - "Eh meh"



Gareth Bryant
Position - Striker.
Likes - Inappropriate jokes.
Dislikes - Things that are fucked.
Nickname - Unit, Eunis, Younis.
Highlights - Leading goal scorer after Round 1 in 2008 and Grand Final in debut year.
Lowlights - Geoff Werner as coach.

Corey Cain
Position - Striker.
Likes - Punching.
Dislikes - Things that don't involve punching.
Nickname - Knuckles.
Highlights - Punching some fuckwit from Ryde in 2007.
Lowlights - Not punching anyone in 2009.

Brendan Dowd
Position - Mid & sometimes back when they aren't doing their job properly, Graham we're looking at you.
Likes - Yom Kippur, Dradels, Menorahs.
Dislikes - Pork and pork based products, German National Socialists from 1933-1945.
Nickname - Dowd, Jew, Dowdstein, Dowdanopoulous, Dowd Syndrome, Dowdface.
Highlights - are something Werner gets in his hair.
Lowlights - Nothing is a lowlight when you are Brendan Dowd.

Daniel Fairclough
Position - Striker :(
Likes - Hanging crap on Deluca and Werner.
Dislikes - His nickname.
Nickname - Fairy, Chinaman, Giggles the Hysterical Schoolgirl.
Highlights - Leading goal scorer at some stage last year.
Lowlights - Losing the Andrew Baxter Memorial Award for Excellence in the Field of Goodness in 2008.

John Routledge
Position - Mid.
Likes - Writing songs like "Oh Frankie....".
Dislikes - Subjects raised in his song writing.
Nickname - English, Johnny English, Her Majesty.
Highlights - Division 11 2008 International Player of the Year.
Lowlights - Being family of Dowd.

Marc Prince
Position - Goalkeeper.
Likes - Rex Hunt.
Dislikes - Non-rhyming slang, Roselea.
Nickname - Pricey, The Fabulous Marc Prince, The Juice, Juice, Tough Juice, Tetra Pack.
Highlights - Being recognised as enforcer in 2007.
Lowlights - Riding the sideline in 2008.

Craig Hutchinson
Position - Fullback.
Likes - Singing, dancing, acting, being a triple threat thespian, Hugh Jackman.
Dislikes - Not being Hugh Jackman.
Nickname - Hutcho, Rhonda Birchmore.
Highlights - Picking up a role as Miss Saigon.
Lowlights - Being cast in a two man production called "Skin Shaped Rocket into Blackhole" and not listening to his agent's advice to not take a role with Bent Trent Productions.

Francis Cozzarin
Position - Falling down.
Likes - The Parrots, Advanced Karma Sutra.
Dislikes - Nothing!
Nickname - Frank, Frank the Tank, The Yes Man, Cozzaramakeyouweakatthekneeseezes.
Highlights - Being Frank and writing the book "Champagne Football on a Beer Budget".
Lowlights - Feeling sorry that nobody else can be Frank.

Nicolas Deluca
Position - Definitely not goalkeeper.
Likes - Being the man, bicycles and questionable haircuts.
Dislikes - Friends that remind him his likes make him seem like a lesbian.
Nickname - Deluca, Mexican, Clover, The Mayor.
Highlights - Having Fred spew at his wedding and hit on a teenage girl.
Lowlights - Having a haircut in Germany.

Graham Werner
Position - Fullback.
Likes - anything recommended by anybody with the initials G Werner.
Dislikes - Gay men dressed as ballerina's when he is trying to get a 3some with 2 lesbians.
Nickname - Werns, Captain Craptasic, Piggy, Fatguts, The Guy Who Ate All The Pies.
Highlights - Losing 5 kilos in a week.
Lowlights - Putting on 15 kilos the very next week.

Nicholas D'Cruz
Position - Ninja.
Likes - The Simpsons, pizza.
Dislikes - His heritage, the British in India, Johnny English for being British and eating Indian.
Nickname - Mr Cool, Ears.
Highlights - Grabbing some guy's nuts in the Grand Final.
Lowlights - Being half Indian but being unable to acquire naan ovens for his friends.

Adam Delpopolo
Position - Mid.
Likes - Being the big spoon, chewing on ear lobes, hardcore porn.
Dislikes - That dickhead keeper from last year.
Nickname - Pops, Popsy, Ads, Popitinquickly.
Highlights - Solo goal of the week.
Lowlights - Not punching that dickhead keeper from last year.

Andrew Reynolds
Position - Mid.
Likes - Hearing his own voice.
Dislikes - People talking when he is trying to draw attention to himself.
Nickname - Rens, Lookatme.
Highlights - Reading this blog and getting all the credit for not doing anything.
Lowlights - Leaving half his mouth wrapped around a goalpost in late 2008.

Christopher Hilliard
Position - Mid.
Likes - Using work as an excuse when he's at the pub with Dowd.
Dislikes - Being called Christopher and having an 'i' inserted in his last name where it does not belong as shown above.
Nickname - Cottee, Yellow Card Collector, Johnnie Satler the Season Ending Tackler.
Highlights - Crossing to Reynolds for his bicycle finish last year.
Lowlights - Nobody believing his work excuse.

Greg Miller
Position - Dunno, he hasn't shown up yet.
Likes - Wish I knew, I just don't see the guy.
Dislikes - Showing up.
Nickname - Used to be Reggie, could be Tony Danza's Tap Dance Extravaganza now for all I know.
Highlights - Registration.
Lowlights - Probably doing a wheelie and then remembering he's in the team but doing all of this in December 2009.

*NEWS FLASH*

Concerned minds were put at ease as Graham Werner confirms he does not start the night shift until April 20! Phew, a collective sigh of relief is heard not only from the Parrots training ground but also the Kings Cross back alleys where the round one shall be performing his night duties. The Cross retains a little dignity for the next 3 weeks...

Who am I?

As my identity remains a mystery and the intrigue grows, I figure I might as well let you know you I am. With some clues at first of course.........

My email address is theparrotblogger@gmail.com. Send me some inside info if you want as sometimes my inside contact is busy or being retarded.

My favourite quote is "have mercy....."

I am a musician. Played the bongos with The Beach Boys for a little song called "KOKOMO"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have awesome hair.

You guessed it, my secret identity can now be revealed. I am John Stamos.



I'm not who you think I am.........

VICTORY

Great game guys! The boys got off to a flyer today with a super 2-0 effort over 60 minutes of fussball action. Some brilliant highlights and some even better lowlights so let's recap with the games top 5 moments.

5. Roll call!


Where were the fans & where were the players? I think the fans were missing because the players were missing and the players were missing cos the fans were missing. Notable absences being the coach (I guess he's creating a safe distance for when we eventually implode), Knuckles, Pricey, Reg and Cool was late. Oh well, we smoked it anyways.

4. Corked butt

Embarassing injury? I'd say its a miracle you've never had a corked ass when you look like the young lady above. Reynolds goes in for a tackle and ends up with a busted arse. Like parking a truck on the train tracks and wondering why it gets hit. Hey Reynolds, get a membership at Fernwood and start dropping some weight. Your arse makes Kerri-Anne Kennerly's face look good. *SPEW*

3. Goals galore!!!!!


Great goals to Popsy and Fairclough. Awesome stuff, looks great for this season. Not so great were the misses and there were plenty. No matter, certainly didn't keep Werns happy 'SHOOT MORE'. Inside quote from parrot players "We"ll shoot more if you eat less". Somehow I doubt we'll see many more shots.

2. Nick Deluca as a keeper?


A picture says 1,000 words (actually this one says 4). Sad day for goalkeeping everywhere.

1. The emperor's new clothes/shoes/glow sticks. Captain/Coach


Werner gets a mention all of his own for Captain Coaching us to victory (though the Parrots more or less won in spite of him being Captain Coach) and for wearing those things. If anyone ever wears something as hideous as that, you best believe you get shot straight to number 1 in the list of craptastic things of the weak. The fashion police have an arrest warrant on your head champ. Mardi Gras called, they want their shoes back. The colour green has written a formal request to be removed from your boots. Carmen Miranda is suing you for stealing her shoes. Rowdy the Ram wants some fashion advice. Your dignity called and said it will return when you stop wearing those boots. Ahhhhh..................................

*NEWS FLASH*

Nick Deluca gets bike for christmas!

*NEW* Role of the Week

I'd like to introduce a new feature I'd like to run every week or so. It's called "Craig Hutinson's Role of The Week". I get to take the time to recognise some of the boy's talents outside of the GHFA arena and Hutcho has already made his mark on Australian television with camera stealing roles in Ricky Wong favourites like All Saints & Home and Away not to mention his mindblowing roles in Underbelly. From memory he was a cop but in 2 different states, in the same episode, in the same week. Another slight historical inaccuracy I picked on but nevertheless AWESOME!

Anyways, so on to Hutcho’s role of the week for this…..ummm… week! Hold on Play School fans, Hutcho is not coming to Gemima just yet. Tuck your balls between your legs, grab your girlfriend’s favourite shoes and warm up that terrible asian accent you do cos this week Craig Hutchinson stars in…… Miss Saigon as MISS SAIGON!!!!!

A tragic tale of a Vietnamese Bar Girl abandoned by her American lover..... Where I come from, it's called leaving a brothel in Ho Chi Minh but whatever. I guess some fruit thought skipping out on the hooker you rooted while in the Vietnam War was worthy of a few songs and dancing with those awesome asian umbrellas. Kudos to you Mr Fruit, hookers, booze and machine guns never sounded so boring.

Rain? What rain? Storm? What storm?

The disappoint of Parrots fans every where will appear to be etched on their faces until Sunday when they finally get to see their boys run out.

Tonight's trial match was abandoned due to some superdickery on behalf of those fuckwits, the Rouse Hill Rams. Ever since the retards got a bus lane and a Town Centre (only because the retards can't spell Shopping) they thought they've been king shit. The official reason given was due to the ensuing storm apparently building throughout the west of Sydney. Hopefully tomorrow all the spastics on the team who work for the Buereau of Meterology will be uneceremoniusly kicked in the cags and marched from whichever backwater building they work in. *JUST IN* Rouse Hill Rams have apparently reassigned their entire club officials to a newly formed team named Rouse Hill Weather Oracles. Such a bad storm...... whoa....... I'm scared........

Some unsubstantiated reports point to Rowdy the Ram being at the centre of some legal controvesy. Either he got pissed with Brett Seymour or sexually assaulted a Manly teenager. Personally I think Rowdy pissed on a Manly teenager with Brett Seymour. Stupid fucking Rams......

*NEWS FLASH*

Could it be the most anticipated week ever in Parrot history? Probably....

This week is a double-header! No, double-header is not some weird sexual move that Hayden taught Geoff. Or is it? Anyways, it's about game time.

Wednesday, 8pm. Commercial Road Rouse Hill. Our boys take on those fuckwits the Rouse Rams!!!!! *Booooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo*

It's no secret their home field is right near a netball complex, former chicken shit factory and the place the Telegraph listed as one of the most likely places to get into a slap fight with a teenager wearing a neon shirt whilst drinking a Bacardi Breezer. That's right, their home ground is smack bang in the middle of fuckwit territory. Guess its no wonder they came up with the moronic concept of having a mascot called Rowdy the Ram. Inside Rex Mossop points to the Ram actually being Gary Glitter. No surprises there. Free lollipops if you sit on Rowdy's Rod.

VS

@ Commercial Road, Rouse Hill. 8:00PM Wednesday 24th March.

So.... How do you top that?

VS

@ Galston Park 2:09PM, Sunday 29th March.

I’ll tell you how you top that. You play the team from last year’s “friendly” that ended up with a certain Parrots player having “I’ll neck you” hurled at him in an aggressive fashion. Henry Winkler’s penis just grew a little knowing you borrowed the lines from just before his famous shark-jumping scene in Happy Days. I guess it really was no accident he kept walking in on Joanie and Chachi. But I digress, this Sunday at 2:09pm marks the return of the Parrots to Galston Park to play the Hills Hawks.

A few of the boys return to Galston Park. Former Hills Hawks playes include Werner, Pops, Deluca, Dowd & Reynolds.

Will there be tension? Who cares.... Parrots back to back in less than a week is a football fan's wet dream. Hopefully it will be played in a gentlemanly fashion and questions of a player's mother's history of venereal disease shall not be not revisited perhaps saving Parrots from more hair pulling attacks.

Look out for my media pack to be released shortly with an in depth look at each individual player.

Mr Cool?

I saw Mr Cool in Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom last night. Seriously, quit trying to be Hutcho and concentrate on the fussball!

First blood

They were there but they weren't.... I...... We........ What a fucking farce!

The only things you need to know about the trial game is thus, Eric "Paul You're Fucked" Subiano beat last years GHFA AA/11 Grand Finalists. Fuck me. It's gonna be a long year following these boys. I might give up now and join that guy who is trying to open the door knob that is covered in baby oil with his elbows. It seems less futile than following the ParROTs this year.

I wish I knew him more closely so I could ask him directly but what was Graham Werner thinking? Brain fart!

1 highlight was about 2 minutes from the end when Reynolds linked with Dowd cross field who linked back with Reynolds who linked back with Deluca who crossed about 1 inch above a Reynolds attempt at a header. Perhaps if didn't look like (and jump like) Magda Szubanski he could have netted Glenhaven's first goal of the year.

Final grade: FAIL

2009 has begun......

The 2009 season the Glenahven All Age Division 12s has begun. Hark. What is that you say? Division 12? Yes, division 12. The boys have been relegated despite last year's finals heroics and muscling their way into the Grand Final, only to lose to a goal which was questionable (just ask Andrew Reynolds).

Can't dwell on that I guess. We have so much to look forward to as I bring you all the inside news and gossip on what surrounds the boys this year. Apparently surrounding Graham Werner is 4 dozen empty boxes of donuts and a half eaten child.

I have been lucky enough to obtain access to the inner sanctum over the team through direct contact wit several key players. Guess again, the person you are thinking of is not a key player. The key players who give me information do so willingly and don't even know I am writing about them! Haha!

Anyways, stay tuned for the season preview and review of the first trial game. Back soon with fresh Rex Mossop (gossip, get it Pricey?).