My Friends

Now that the season is over and I have regaled a tale of my younger years, you all seem to have a thirst for more knowledge about who I am and what I do. Well, I suppose you all want to know what the names of all my friends are and what they do. Well get ready and open up your knowledge basket cos he come the facts.

You've already met Nuts.

You've already met Shooter.

Wheels is a close friend. He lives in Coober Pedy which I believe is wedged somewhere in the affluent area between Pitt Town & McGraths Hill. He enjoys long work hours and.... Well that's all he really likes.

Leonard is a man of English descent who despite living in Australia for close to 30 years speaks with a thick accent when drunk & around ladies. He has set both the indiviudal and double sit-up world records when he entered the sit-up world champs last year. He entered the doubles by himself and still flattened the competition. Rumours are abound that one night he went for a swim in the Atlantic and this passenger ship called the Titanic and hit him then sunk. I've looked for the answer on snopes.com but nothing so far...

Baldwin is the theatre lover amongst us. An accomplished thespian and television actor, he once had a pivotal role in Water Rats where they wound up in an alternate dimension where he had to give a handjob to Jay L'aigua. In his normal dimension or universe he had to give the handjob to Gary Sweet. He had a similar role in Stingers where he had to give a handjob to Frankie J. Holden and a recurring spot on Home & Away where he gives Morag a handjob. Don't worry, I thought she was meant to be a female too. Turns out she's a hemmy like Lady GaGa.

Henkel Goldstein is our frugel Jewish friend. He was raised in a catholic household but was adopted from a Dan Brown book at an early age. Apparently he has a direct lineage to Jesus, unfortunately not Jesus of Nazareth. Jesus was a fairly common name back then. His lineage is in fact to Jesus Luz who of course is Madonna's new boyfriend.

Waqar is an avid supporter of the Boston Red Sox. He also supports Liverpool. We're guessing he'll be supporting whoever wins the NRL Grand Final and Super Bowl this year.

Azradin is our Pakistani pal. He has HHHUUUUGGGGEEEEE ears and cannot price you a cheap naan oven. He will however let you launch a Jihad from his backyard using Russian artillery and Inzamam-ul-Huq.

I think you've been hit with enough knowledge today. Maybe we'll continue later and I can tell you about Nectar. He's a funny guy. Big nose and all!