Matt Damon on a Tandem BIke

This is Matt Damon on a tandem bicycle and he is like our season. Sure riding a bike is fun. Riding a bike with your friend is fun. Riding the same bike as your friend is.... well..... fun.... kinda..... I guess the results didn't go our way and that's ok. We can all record "The View" and look at a bunch of women that look like Hutcho discussing current events while waiting for next season. Next season guys.... next season......

P.S. Coming soon: The Post-season wrap up

Ryan Perry and Friend In Matching Hats

You saw it here first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why do they have matching hats?

Where are they wearing matching hats?

Is this really Ryan Perry?

All you need to know is that yes, it is Ryan Perry and yes he and a friend are wearing matching hats.

The World Crap

"Da Australiens sent it. Zey said it was for ze shit sandwich vich vee av coming to us"

Four years ago, Andrew Reynolds was unleashing a never before seen sexual assualt on an inflatable kangaroo named Dowdzanus. He climbed on top of table at The Ranch and karate kicked and chopped in celebration. The table rocked back and forth under the extreme pressure of his weight and he threw chairs in moments of unbridled joy. This year however there was no such jubilant expression. It was those German cunts.

This World Cup has been one of let downs. Like being promised sex prior to a blind date only to find out she looks like Mikey Robins (pre-gastric bypass). Sure the tits are nice and lifting a fold to find half a BBQ chicken is a pleasant surprise but the unrelenting pressure of fighting a flacid penis to find something arousing about the encounter is distressing on a grand scale. We have seen the Soccerboos (I'm looking at you Craig Moore) being unfairly reduced to 10 men and fighting a losing battle against Mexican referees who are trying to take our jobs.

I guess what I am saying is that now Algeria is gone, is there any reason to watch and put up with vuvuzelas? Probably not. BLOGGER OUT.

I Live In A Caravan

"Go back to your caravan." Those words will haunt us all forever.

What does a jellyfish vagina, a snail's snatch and Thornleigh Thunder have in common? They're all a bunch of spineless cunts. With seconds ticking away they decided to commit the most unsportsmanlike act I have ever seen and kick the ball away to ensure the mighty Parrots did not get another possession. The act infuriated the Parrots and they set off launching a tirade of abuse at the team who is famous for living at the arse end of a highway.

Number 8, or Octo-cock as he shall henceforth be known is the most retarded person I have ever seen. The pronounced forehead, slumped shoulders and haircut from a junkyard presented a look reminiscent of Joe Dirt with an extra chromosome. The focus was only taken of him by the fact Number 6, or Numero no-dick, masturbated to a Justin Bieber poster at half time. Due to his lack of male genitals this involved him furiously rubbing the Ken-like bald patch that lay in front of his pelvis. Climax was reached when he douched out Number 4's deposit from the prior night's activities.

I am going back to my caravan. That doesn't have wheels. Is made with bricks. That has running water, electricity and Foxtel. That also cost over half a millie. I guess you cocks can go back to living under the pedestrian bridge near the train station or in your parents cleaned out garage that you call your "apartment". It's cool though cos you can stay up as late as you want and if you have cereal for dinner, nobody can say anything to you. Not even the toothless prostitute lying in your bed. You know, the one you call your girlfriend? Last time I checked girlfriends don't come with an invoice for the $50 wristy you just got and the tear stains of a girl who has seen her life slip by due to her need for some goey to dance at Patrick's all night (til 12am) who pays for her "recreational" drug habit by getting railed by 3 guys for a hundo. Fuck off back to the Maccas you are famous for.

It's me, your favourite ref!

Hi guys. It's me the ref. You might remember me from such games as robbing you of the last game you played where Deluca dribbled the ball from halfway and there was an offside called or perhaps it was the time I gave Rens his 3rd yellow of the season for turning away from me and saying "Gosh darn it." Either way I have some terrible news. I'm in the clink.

Wait a second, not Colonel Klink (aka Unige, yep Klink is simply Eunis with a monocle - did you know the 'monocle' is a sex move where a man finishes in one eye so the recipeient squints?) but gaol. Why I am in gaol. Solicitation. Not cool guys, not cool. While on the outside a turn tricks of the discount variety, being between 10 and 20 dollars, inside I cannot get that kind of cash. I am stuck here maybe giving a wristy for some cigarettes or the world's tiniest crack rock. It's hard for me which is sad because I was usually making it hard at the rate of a tenner for tossing a client's salad. All I can say is I am bummed and not in a good way!

Anyway, I write to tell you that I will not be your ref this weekend but to ask of you a favour. My current financial situation has become dire at best so I am raising funds. I am doing a can drive! Actually it will be done by proxy because I am currently sharing a cell with guy called Steve who likes to use my face as his personal butt pillow. This weekend referees will be collecting tin cans which we will then return to the manufacturers with an exorbetent amount of complaints in hopes of receiving part of the original sale price as a refund. yeah it probably brushes the law but it's cool cos ref's are the policemen of the soccer field so I git me some contacts.

Here are the requirements:-

- No dented or damaged cans
- No cans previously used for any kind of anal play (You should be using Fountain tomato sauce bottles or a Grolsch swing top with the top removed - BELIEVE ME!!!!)
- No cans close to expiration
- No cans of inedible foodstuffs like 'Cauliflower infused Brussel Sproyts' or the like
- Under no circumstances is control of a can collection to be given to Graham Werner or by virtue a representative of Gibbo! I cannot stress this enough!

I hope all is well and you can help me out as I have mounting legal costs and I fear the lease on my new Prius might lapse unless I can get $2.32 together for this week's payment. My partner Augusten and I have a new kitten named Elliot that is struggling without me. I bought her a ball of wool and some Snappy Tom before I left but if someone can change the kitty litter for me that would be sweet! O.K. my time is almost up so I'll say ciao to all you beautiful bumbinos and just letting you know I'm doing a bit better since I got this photo of George and I:

What I've been doing!

What have you guys been up to? Actually don't tell me because I really don't care. What I have been doing is some blog mentoring and my protege has become quite the genius. All you need to do is follow his blog. It's called www.lazertits.com and it is amazing. Here is a preview, check it out some time...

Graham, when did you have a daughter?

I think we all know who the mother is.....

Anyway, your duaghter is really talented. I like the way she can sing a few lines before running out of breath. It's just like you when you exercise!

Now, if you feel like some Vanessa Carlton and like looking at the fat guy from LOST:-

Fuck Blogging, Just Drum

And it comes...

Geoff lay awake in his bunk bed. The Manchester United doona cover soiled with the love he had just given himself. Content, he lay some 2 meters off the ground inches from the ceiling and the poster of his beloved Ryan Giggs. Giggs looked back at Geoff with the defeated eyes of a 65 year old paraplegic, which was a coincidence as he was a 55 year old who plays like a paraplegic. Perhaps it was the disappointing display the poster Giggs had just witnessed or maybe the fact that Mr Sheffield from televisions The Nanny was often mistaken for his younger brother that gave Ryan such a vacant look.

It was cigarette time. Geoff reached for the packet of Winfield Sky Blues resting on top of his life-size Sir Alex Fergie's-son doll. The rear end curiously squashed with a convenient hole around his loins filled with a balloon that seemed to filled with a dough-like substance as if an artificial vagina had been flung from the depths of space and cast into 'Allie's bottie'. Geoff rolled the cigarette between his lips and felt satisified. The victory of today's game had been awaiting him for almost a month AA/11 football and the atmosphere prior to kickoff was palpable.

The ground was nestled at the back of an all boys school somehow adding to the homo-eroticsim of witnessing 22 virile young men colliding on the pitch. Carved deep in this den of homosexual undertones was the battleground for what would become a great victory.

The teams lined up for kickoff exchanging glances of hatred mixed with the earnest undercurrent of attraction from the coach on the sideline. Geoff paced the sideline anxiously shouting encouragement to his players and banking the thought of Frank's firm calves in his mind for later on. The goals came in what were flashes, somehow in the past, present and future at the exact same time. The final ten minutes endured for what seemed like days or a weekend of tantric sex with Sting. Was the culmination a sign of joy, the intended destination or were the team to live each moment as shudder of ecstacy and wish that it be neverending.

Whistle blown and Geoff licks the sweat from his top lip savouring the taste of victory and mental exertion all at once. The flavour sits on his pallet and he holds it for but a minute. Congratulations are to be made and back rubs offered. "About time" he lectures to himself.

The doona slips revealing his obtuse frame, grown large on portions of his brother's leftovers and home made beer. He questions whether or not his changing physical shape had anything to do with Hayden getting engaged. His plump breasts confirmed his initial thought. As he exhales he thinks out loud "I don't give a fuck". Blushing from his own cuss, he thinks about Sunday nights Logies.

"If I were there I would punch Rove in the face. Why would Tasma lower herself to him"

He chuckles to himself at the unintentional pun. As the last second of cackle parts his lips he meditates on Harold from Neighbours. His chin jiggling from the last shake of head after being aroused by an inciting comment from Lou. With all that clam around you would of thought the old tuba players lips could have searched out some better minge than fighting over Madge. I guess it's a case of aim low and score versus aim high and miss by miles. Left at night to comfort one's self in a dark corner of Ramsay Street with but a picture of Toady's dead wives, footage of Kate Ritchie's infamous video and a well worn hand towel, slippery with the moisture of Dove hand cream.

"Good night world, we are all winners".... And with that last thought, Geoff drifted off to the land of slumber and he would be content again as a victor, lover and man.

Fatties!

I have been working on my first "in-season" post for about 2.5 weeks now. I was pretty much there and then this came up. It has been brought to my attention that a member of our team laid with a buxom lady. I think that's as gently as I can put it.

"But Blogger, what about the football? I come here to read about football. I do not wish to know about the pitfalls of living within walking distance to a competitive eating star."

Well, in response to your comment, I agree. This does however concern you and I point to mating rituals!!!!!!!!!!!!! This impacts football in a few ways.

1. Absentmindedness - as we are all aware the player in question has blueballs as stated by him repeatedly ad infinitum. How does this correleate? Well we have noticed a distinct drop in ability with regard to the prolonged abstinence from intercourse as highlighted in this graph:




The drop in performance is horrible and could be the reason we have yet to win a game!!!

2. Fatherhood - from the mating rituals we can see that the offending player may have impregnated the championship eater. How do we know this? " Gorillas also mate during pregnancy but once the young one is born there is usually a break in mating activity for a few years. " So the baby may already be born and due to resembling the elephant man. So the satellite has blue balls because he impregnated her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DUM DAH DUM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3. The dominant female - the player may begin to suffer from the dominant 'female' and become henpecked. He has already regaled the team with the story of how seconds was demanded from him. However, when they went to Sizzler he was the only one getting seconds. She was having elevenths.

4. Who is he? - Guess:

"More fries bitch!"

How it happened:

Ballstofeet: So, [name redacted] how did this shit go down?

Parrot Player: We were at Windsor's annual eat like a horse fair and well, she ate a horse. Turns out it was a misread on her part. She was meant to eat 10 pies but she did what she did. Not the first time either. Hear how Rangirangdoo was scratched on the weekend? Well I cried out Rangirangdon't but it was too late and it was only the hooves left. She generally cooks them in a broth of rum and Winfield Reds.

BTF: .............................................................

PP: Yeah..... So she scanned the crowd and I was the nearest male within her approachable distance.

BTF: Approachable distance?

PP: Well, she has a long range manouverability distance of 17.5m without rest breaks and a sprinting distance of 0.64m at a top speed of 1.16 knots.

BTF: That sounds like the stats for a Collins class submarine!

PP: No. Slightly bigger.

BTF: Wow! So what happened next?

PP: She started her mating ritual.

BTF: Which involved?

PP: Burping in my face.

BTF: And?

PP: I don't know. The gas emitted is enough to stun a dromaderry.

BTF: [vomiting] That'll do........... We'll finish this later........

The Naming Ceremony

Who is that guy? What's his name? Why did the coach just wet himself? All questions to do with everybody's names. Here are your names for the rest of the year. Keep it, hug it, love it.

Geoff - "Coach"
Frank - "Frank the Tank" "Tank" "Wilt"
Rens - "Hollywood"
Prince - "Price" "Juice" "Tough Juice"
Deluca - "Quincy"
Ben English - "Benglish" "Sandler" "Billy Madison" "Veronica Vaughn"
John Routledge - "Johnny English" "English 1" "Neil"
Nathan Ottley - "Noodleman" "The Cambodian Ace"
Wayne - "The Elevator" "Flo Rida" "America's Wang"
Cottee - "Overtime"
Jason - "The Vow" "Monk" "Liu Kang"
Joshua - "Nightstick" "Flamepunch" "Ice Grenade" "Gunface"
Nick D'Cruz - "Gwenyth" "Mr Cool"
Gareth - "Unit" "Unito" "Eunis" "Younis" "Unige"
Dowd - "Dowdface" "DJ AM" "Jewbot"
Adam Delpopolo - "Pops" "The People" "Populus" "Common"

Come on girl, show 'em what you can do!

Coach Werner got us through our first challenge on the weekend as we went down to Chokeville Prems 2-1. What a bummer. A few pieces of better luck (or execution) and we could've claimed victory in the mouth of hell. Boy was it warm. What about the Elevator? Wayne-oh-no just lifted it over the bar from about a foot out. Against his old team too, must've stung a bit. (BTW, The Elevator is Wayne's new nickname, yep I made it up. Write it down, take a picture, sing it to the tune of a Savage Garden song, I don't care!)

This we take on the "neckers". That's right those fuckwits called the Hills Hawks. Who could think of something better to do at 4:50pm on a Sunday afternoon. Water the Gardenias? Sit down and prepare yourself for Channel 9's parade of suckage starting aka Domestic Blitz? Knit yourself a new naval themed jumper for the cooler months? No, if you have two testicles (three for coach) and a heart beat you should be at Galston watching the mighty Parrots tear shit up. Tear as in rip not as in cry. Though they might be crying after we beat the snot out of 'em and show them who the superior genus of bird is!

Afterwards we might go out and celebrate by listening to Lady gaga. I dunno, we're just so unpredictable, who knows what we'll do????




Now for the big news. I mean big as in the fattest guy you know is coming back to our humble shores. Can you feel it? Can you hold your excitement? Can you hold onto the food that he will inevitably try to rip out of your mouth like the time at Reynolds' 22nd birthday when he declared the leftovers were his and had them doggy bagged so he could take them home without even consulting anyone else, least of all the birthday boy?

Word on the grape vine is that Graham has had a bit of trouble. He's gone dark, started hanging out drinking coffee and lsitening to My Chemical Romance. Here's evidence that he's even a cutter!



Ok, goodnight. See you all at the game. Anonymous Blogger is getting back in the swing of things. Sometimes I feel awkward back typing again. Now I feel like Mr Kelly. Sure the first time it was fun but now it just doesn't feel the same second time round. Hey, at least he gets to meet Ben Fordham, I just sit here and type shit about a midget that used to host his own variety program. OF SHIT! Hahahaha...

Watch it. Process what has just happened. Love it!

Sad face

Some days my emotions get the best of me. Some days I wake up and don't want to leave my bed. Some days I struggle to find the energy to power up my Apple IIe so I can play 'Where In The World Is Carmen Sand Diego?' and do my blog. Every single one of those days it is your absence that kills me. It's hard to get motivated, I don't know what to do with myself and I have zero material for my blog.

Please come back. I miss you.

It's like the finale of Blossom or the show LOST. Nobody gets it but me. When you used to waddle (run) at training, your nipples flexed, holding up the yards of fabric you'd call a shirt, thighs rubbing with the ferocity of Norway's curling team, buttocks dancing from side to side like a barge being tossed in a large ocean swell and chins jiggling like the hindquarters of Kirstie Alley, I was hypnotised. The beauty in the beast was almost too much to contain and it spilled out of me...... Wait, that sounds like I was having a tug. My enthusiasm was channelled in a way that allowed me to write about you continuously and I took such enjoyment from that. I just want you to know that I'm missing you Graham.

Did you know that the fast food economy has collapsed in your absence? Coincidence or direct correlation? Also, McGraths Hill is rising out of the ditch in which it resides. Almost like a giant weight has been lifted from it's boundaries. Weird!

Come back Guts. The deep fried industry (and I) need you!

Dang.

Guys. I could write one hundred stories about this picture and how something awesome is happening with Player A or Player B, or how Player C would hit that. Just know that I can show restraint when hand delivered a photo of coach's last 5 conquests.

P.S. Conquest is the correct term. Climbing aboard does require oxygen assistance when you're that far above sea level. Mt N-Everest!

Haters Gonna Hate.

I give Can-a-der 2 thumbs up!

On February 16 some years ago. George was born and it was awesome. He was the first baby that came 'gym ready' complete with the abs that have rocked the world for the next 3 decades. Happy Birthday bro!


Back to the real world. On Tuesday I was slipping on my crocs, not caring about a King's of Leon song but digging their style after having some iSnack 2.0 on my toast when I thought 'wesa need some mooey mooey posters of Kings of Leon, Annakin'. Srsly though, suck it RR. Haters gonna hate.

How I roll!

I totally forget that bitches name but I do rememebr her sister did this thing that gave me this face:


It was cool. She thought i was all dark and mysterious cos I told her although I was no Jedi, the Sith was heavily recruiting and I could be a possible future dark side member... while she tended to my member. ZING!

Conceptual artwork for my Dark Side uni!

Anyway before you try outing me RR, know this. I have my own action figure like:


Whilst the only toy modeled of you looks like:


Either you have a severe case of frostbite or you are too poor to colour correct that. Plus it's a hand shaped butt plug! A HAND SHAPED BUTT PLUG! Man, some Star Wars nerds hate on me but I used that shaped hand to get down with Queen Padme Amidala. For real! Like I said before, haters gonna hate and Jar Jar has rooted half of Hollywood. You just gave a handjob to Dog The Bounty Hunter. You ain't even on my level.

I even made The Situation read your drivel. As you can see he was less than impressed.


Then he said to me, "Bro. RR is not even on your level. He's like Giaan Rooney and the winter olympics. Totally irrelavant."

Thanks The Situation. You always know what to say.

P.S. I'm selling some W.W.T.S.D. wrist bands. What Would The Situation Do? BUY ONE!

Daniel Fairclough Signs Lucrative Record Deal

So I guess the baseball is a LIE! He has gone to sing and follow his life long dream. Ummmm.... Aim for the stars Daniel....

Fast forward to the 2:49 mark to hear him really get those notes.

Deluca reads last post from blog, fist pumps like a champ.

The Good Daniel Giveth and The Better Daniel Leaveth

Beefcake!!!!!!!! Daniel is seen exiting a heavy training session of sitting on his arse for 3 hours with 5 minute stints standing outside a diamond. Sounds like the same job that Antonio, my cousin the jeweller has except without the lisp.

Daniel Fairclough has left the building. It came as a shock to the entire team but he's sticking with the Knights and playing baseball in winter. "Isn't that a bit like playing newcomb ball with yourself?" you ask. Of course it is but the decision is not mine and McPhie didn't even try to up the ante with some sweet contract kickers.

I talked to Daniel about his time with the parrots and he sincerely wanted to thank everybody for the years of fun. We'd all like to thank him for bringing Frank which will ultimately be his legacy and how can we not appreciate the gift of Frank. Frank has often bestowed his gift to many women opening with the line "I got you something, here's a package for you", but never has he been gifted to someone else. Just special.

Daniel has listed some memories as follows:

Highlights

-Winning POTY award

-Winning the Golden Boot Award

-Beating Deluca to win the Golden Boot award (It wasn’t a tie pre and post season goals don’t count)

-Making the grand final,

-Playing with a magnificent bunch of Lads

-Car pooling with Mr Cool and Frank.

- Seeing George after the game with his shirt off

Low light

-Loosing the grand final

-Bringing Marc the d-head goal keeper

-Playing with Deluca

It's been unreal.

I just look at the coming season and I think of where we've been and how we've gotten here. I think that this season we have a new team and in one swift move we've lost of 400 kilos from the roster jsut by Fairclough and Werner leaving. Total amazeballs!

Good luck Daniel. We wish you well and hope you'll reach the dizzying heights of some other baseball greats such as the retard from Something About Mary and Boxy. May playing a summer sport in winter bring all the tidings you'd expect. You truly are changing the face of sport. Imagine if Grant Kenny said "I know being an Ironman is a summer vocation but screw it. I'm taking this shit to July! I don't even care what my wife Lisa Curry-Kenny 7 time Commonwealth Games gold medalist says about it." Daniel, you could be what Grant Kenny never was, an Olympic silver medalist and summer-cum-winter sports star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. That keeper was a real d-bag. Remember how his abandonment cost Reynolds his only good front tooth? You should probably give him some money for that.....

Rumour has it....

Someone from the Parrots left Australia to go raise their child in Canada. I can't disclose names but I have received this photo. Maybe you can see the likeness.....

What could be worse than watching a gay asian do Lady Gaga on youtube?

Having a gay asian do Lady Gaga in your team. Hi deluca!

I'm here for the sex!

Daniel Fairclough & Nicolas Deluca pose for 'Super friends'

Ok so with the return of NBA Jam I think it best to highlight who would make the cut for the best duo in Glenhaven footballing history! Who would you pick? Does Nadia Petrova remind you of a fat guy in Canada?


It's a heavy task and much like Mikey Robbins I carry a weight too much for any human to stand. While his weight is his huge arse and lack of humour, mine is the weight of responisbility to pair up the best duos since Charles & Eddie. Let's do this thing!

Geoffrey Werner & Hayden Cooper


Strengths: Knowing each other inside and out

Weaknesses: That doesn't really translate to success on the field

Special move: Love.... (WTF?)

Chance of selection: 3% - Aimed at the gay and women over 40 market.



George & his Abs


Strengths: - Ab work.
- Girls.

Weaknesses: - Articulating himself in English.
- Abs can get cocky and do their own thing.
- Cannot play on sand covered pitches.

Special move: Pressing the X button 3 times intiates Manpower mode where George and his Abs dance to "You can leave your hat on" in a red velvet covered room.

Chance of selection: 100% in Japan (they like his girlish charm). 2% in Germany (they criticise his weak bone structure).

Hutcho & Chris


Strengths: - Music
- Drew Barrymore trivia
- Church guitar solos

Weaknesses: - manly things.
- A flat, A minor, B Sharp, C flat, F minor and high C above A
- possible non-existence of testicles


Special move: Hamlet on the axe. One recites Hamlet while the other jams out on his guitar.

Chance of selection: 0% in 'So you think you be a church guitar solo playinga ctor duo'



Mr Cool & Frank


Strengths: - Frank's superior bedroom skills and charm
- Mr Cool knows all the words to Jai Ho

Weaknesses: - Unable to provide discount naan ovens
- If mated, child may look like artist's impression above


Special move: Frank being Frank.

Chance of selection: 83% due to the Frank factor.



Cottee & Dowd



Strengths: - Hard work, sometimes 8 days a week
- Gold pouch around one member's neck
- Cool little hats
- Cool candle holders

Weaknesses: - Stereotype associates one as a poor athlete and having curly hair
- circumcisions

Special move: They'd all be special because getting this duo together may prove difficult due to a hectic work schedule and money swimming ala Scrooge McDuck.

Chance of selection: 100% in Hollywood, 5% elsewhere, 0.2351% in regional centres.

If you were a song, what would you be?

Sexy pikchur right? So it's the start of the season and material on the team lies somewhere between scarce and fuck all. I have had to put my Sports Journalist of the Year sash back on and really ask the team some hard hiting questions like what is their favourite song and why?

Mr Cool

Favourite song: Jai Ho - Pussycat Dolls



Why: At the risk of totally falling into a stereotype, I am Indian and I LOVE Bollywood. I just really get into it and am in total awe of some of the actors like Anupam Kher and Brahmanandam(Ed: adingdong Lolz). When a song like this comes along and I can wear a bindi and just dance it's like nothing matters. Nobody can tease my ears or my ice cold persona. I'm not Mr Cool I become just a fan of traditional dance and song where my spirit can run free and nobody will get discounted naan ovens... NOBODY!

Coach Geoff Werner

Favourite song: Buses & trains - Bachelor Girl



Why: When this song came out I had just got back from Daydream Island (aka George's abs) and it just struck me as my song. It was 1998 and this was my jam. I could go and dance in the clubs (I had just turned 18) or sit down with a white wine spritzer and just relax. The lyrics are total amazeballs too! "I walked under a bus...", it just reminds me of the time I hit a wombat in my VL. Plus the guy with glasses was a total fox!

Nick Deluca

Favourite song: The Corrs - Runaway



Why: I just love Irish music. The tin whistle and angelic voices. There is nothing better than slipping into a bubble bath with a glass of wine, some scented candles but I can never be fully relaxed until The Corrs is on. Runaway is obviously my favourite and started my love affiar with them some 15 years ago. Daniel always joked about wanting to do a few of the sisters but I just wanted to sit down with my walkman on, play with my Tamagotchi and read my Dolly magazine.

Brendan Dowd

Favourite song: Leonardo's Bride - Even When I'm Sleeping



Why: Best. Song. EVER! That is all. How can you not like your celebrity doppelganger?

Craig Hutchinson

Favourite song: Taxiride - Get Set



Why: When Taxiride first came out I was going through my rebellious phase. I was really mucking up at home doing the wrong thing. If I got told to eat my vegetables I'd eat everything except tomato and then say it's a fruit. You didn't tell me to eat my vegetables and fruit! I was quite wicked. When my drama mentor said that doing a one man version of Annie Get Your Gun was the most idiotic idea ever, I went and did a matinee session that was Annie Get Your Gun vs Cats where I chopped up the scenes and did them back to back. Fergus and Quincy said it was the best version they'd ever seen. After that, I put on my brown leather jacket with the velour elbow patches and walked out of the Year 8 quad singing Get Set. Great song!

Chris Hillard

Favourite song: Sheena Easton - Morning Train (9 to 5)



Why: I work all the time. 25 hours a day. 8 days a week. 53 weeks a year. I've often wondered what it would be like to work the simple hours. I think it would be like this film clip. Bicycles and steam trains. Can I finish now, it's 5pm and I don't knock off until 1am tomorrow?

Frank

Favourite song: Human Nature - Don't Say Goodbye



Why: Can I qualify this? I don't actually like, in fact I think it sounds terrible. The reason I have nominated it is because I nailed 6 birds at once due to this. I got a 7-some because of Human Nature. Why wouldn't I like it when I FUCKING LOVE IT!!!!!!!!


Wow, what an eclectic taste! Maybe one of them can be our anthem for the year?

theparrotblogger@gmail.com

Advertising Deal

So, this year I have sold the advertising rights to the new hit TV show 'Jersey Shore' shown on MTV. It is THE best show ever.

'Fist pumpin' like a champ'

Twitter

I have a twitter account. I can update it more regularly than a blog and will do so.

www.twitter.com/ParrotBlogger

You can also see that I have embeded it in the blog too!

You make me this way....

After feeling sufficiently better now that Christmas is over and the New Years resolutions to try and finger bang Paris Hilton have subsided, we can start to look forward to 2010 and all it has to offer. Even if your resolution to finger bang Paris Hilton quickly becomes an attempt to finger bang a Paris Hilton look-a-like that is in fact a certain Canadian-lodging-ski-instructor-course-taking-fat-man-no-not-Ski-the-delicious-yoghurt-but-ski-as-in-the-snow-variety.

Now what is the best thing about 2010? is it that a number of Parrots have cut off their testicles to spite their penis' by getting engaged? Is it the fact Hutcho has started a one-man dance troupe called Shoefeet? Is it the fact Frank is back and better looking than ever? Is it the attacks on Indian students have given us an unfortunate situation where any taunting of Mr Cool will now be racial vilification? No. The best thing about 2010 is the GHFA foosball-liga. Yay!

This year I am gonna call out more people than ever. Sure the fact Deluca gets injured more than Shane Watson's right labia is humourous and I get neverending mileage from it but won't it be great to hear who got crabs from a Belgian roller skating phenom? I can't wait to tell you about my summer and listen as you all whine about the disappointing 2009 finale to Home and Away. We can sit around in a circle braiding Geoff's back hair and sip sarsaparilla beneath your Zac Efron posters. Man.... 2010 could be our year!

P.S. Any new signings? Anyone leaving? Anyoen think the term 'gushing bride' sounds like one of Frank's home made movies about his days as a DJ on the bridal circuit?