Getting to know your players

I decided last week when I was trying to develop some new material for the blog that I'd do an email interview with a player and see how they respond to some of the media's hard hitting questions. I chose Mr Cool because he got picked on in school for having really big ears. Here it is, all from Mr Cool's mouth... or keyboard as it were. I also added my critique or additional comments to how it should be answered or developed on a bit more. A good first effort though. Enjoy:

Mr Cool in his Year 6 Talent Show

mailto:Nicholas_D to me show details Jun 12 (3 days ago) Reply

D'Cruz, what is that? Spanish?



Way back I think it's Portuguese.

EDITOR: Where are the Oporto vouchers then?



How do you think, the roundhouse kick can:
a) be countered in a streetfight?

Only Frank can successfuly negotiate a properly executed roundhouse kick... while doing La Bamba!

b) be improved and remain relevant in an ever changing world? Anything can be improved with the addition of Frank.

ED: Agreed.



Ok, you're being held hostage and in order to save your life you have to perform in a Broadway Musical of television's Perfect Strangers. Do you take the role of Larry Appleton or Balki Bartokomous?

Balki... no contest. Deluca is more of a Cousin Larry, and Hutcho could have a cameo as Ellen.



How many roundhouse kicks is enough roundhouse kicks?

No such thing as 'enough roundhouse kicks'.



Why can't you get your 'friends' reasonably priced naan ovens?

Part of being Indian is being lazy. Also, there's a billion Indians in the world, and a fair proportion of them make their living from selling Indian food to fat bastards like Reynolds. If I started getting my friends reasonably priced naan ovens, I'd have a lot of relatives out of work. Don't forget that Indians have a very different concept of what is 'reasonably priced' to Australian's.

ED: Are you Portuguese or Indian? I disagree with the fact that Indians are lazy. Most work 12 hours shifts and I am not even sure what benefits Premier Cabs gives them for that!



Have your ears ever held you back from doing something you wanted to do? If so, what? When I was really young, I once got stuck in the door to Nick's while trying to buy some Toffee Apples, a pack of Fags and a Bubbalo Bill. But Nick showed me how to get through by walking in sideways, and I've never had a problem since.



Who do you feel is our team's Kimmy Gibbler? Be honest.

Does the annoying little poof from the navy count? What's his name.... Rossi. Yeah, he's the most annoying, Kimmy Gibbler-like Parrot.

ED: Nah, we'll let that one count.



Will you be buying the "AB-crunch-roller-king By George"?

I've heard that if you're one of the first 50 buyers, you get a free personal session with George where he shows us how to hit on 20 girls in 20 seconds at the Hillside, how to covince a bouncer to throw you out of the Mogah before Neigbours has even finished, and how to sweet talk chicks with an "eh meh" every two seconds in conversation. Considering it also comes with George's guide to achieving wash-board abba dabbas, I think I'll have to at least buy one for Piggy... that "Biggest Loser" shit is just too gay, and we've already got one Dowd.



What do you think of this totally awesome blog?

It's totally awesome!



You are stuck on a deserted island with Edge, Juice, Cottee and Richard Hatch. Who do you eat first? Who do you roundhouse kick first? What do you think Bear Grylls would do?

I'd eat Juice first, because of the dietary supplements available in his awesomely JUICEY body. Besides, Cottee would probably be working 26 hour days, and wouldn't be around much, so it'd be mean to take what little time he has away from spending it with his Committment Puppy. I don't watch what I'm assuming is crap reality TV, so I don't know shit about Richard Hatch and Bear Grylls.

ED: I think you and Richard Hatch would get along quite well....



Who's this "Edge" guy?

I think I saw him at one game, but he kept calling himself "Reg". As much as he tried, I don't think it's going to catch on.

ED: Yeah, why would you wanna shake such an awesome name anyway??? There was even a guy on Australia's best teen drama ever "Blue Water High" called Edge.



You're at home alone and you hear the doorbell ring. It's Jennifer Lopez in lingerie, but wait. What's that? A knock at the back door! It's Kirstie Alley nude. What do you do? Go.

I've never turned down some back-door action, and I don't intend to start now.

ED: NO! Never ever Kirstie Alley. Maybe a plump Carrie Fisher but never ever a Kirstie Alley! BAD COOL! VERY BAD!



Ted Danson has written you a letter. He wants to be your friend. Woody Harrelson has sent a court order, informing you that you must stay at least 100m from him at all times. Which letter to you throw away and which do you obey?

I probably wouldn't see Ted Danson's because it would be in the huge pile of letters from people who want to be my friend. I'd tell Woody that he's just jealous cause I'm half-black (well, poo brown, at least) which means I can jump higher than him. I'd also remind him that Coach was a better bartender than Woody, just to rub it in a bit.



Home & Away is on television. You have to watch it and it isn't an episode with the lezo action in it. You can either sit their and watch it or attend Australian Idol auditions. Which do you choose?

The world needs more YMCA performances. It doesn't need encouragement of shit acting.

ED: Question not thought through well enough. Idol also gave us Guy Sebastian, Casey Donovan and Geoff's inlfated opinion of himself that he could actually quit his hard labour life and become a classically trained singer to rival Susan Boyle. They'd then fall in love and be the older fatter version of Miley Cyrus and a Jonas Bro. No good can come of that! Sit there, watch the non-lezo episode and figure out if you rooted the hot cop at the diner, would Ada Nicadamamaamamamado bring you a post coital milkshake.



When is the only time you should wait 1 month to have sex?

Depends on who you ask... I asked Dowd and he said "until he's had the operation in Thailand", I asked Werner, and he said "until Caren's asleep and Rens has a new bed".

ED: When your girlfriend is 17 years 11 months old, is also an acceptable answer.



Darryl Somers calls and wants you to tape a new variety television show. Do you go?

Not unless he's starring in "when midgets attack", featuring an all-in-rumble with Rove, Tim Bailey and Grant Denyer. I reckon Darryl will lay some smack-down on the other midgets... Juice Style!



What do you say to the rumours that Rhonda Birchmore used Nick Deluca as a walking stick? Makes sense. I heard she also used Hutcho to learn some awesome new footloose-esque dance moves.



Has Geoff ever touched you? Ya know, down there.... Did you mind?

I don't kiss and tell... but I also don't get violated and keep it to myself - he totally took advantage of me. Kinda weird though, he kept calling me Hayden, and asked if I knew how to perform a "double-header".

ED: You too! I'm not alone?


Thanks for your time Cool. It's much appreciated.