Kimmy Gibbler Syndrome

When I was younger I used to put everything to the context of Full House. Lately I have found myself falling into the same old trap as Full House is the great metaphor for life. There are the good, bad, annoying, complicated, simple and love. I myself used to love coming home as a the Young Blogger from being out writing and publishing my own fan-zine of my favourite local basketball team, The Hills Hornets. Delmas Green was a hero (still is!) and sit down in front of the television with some fish and chips to watch the latest episode of everyone's favourite family sitcom (behind Family Ties).

I had a crush on Stephanie Tanner and couldn't wait to hear her use her catch phrase on our wedding night when I would give her the old Dutch oven only to hear that heavanly voice belt out the ever funny, "How rude!". We'd go and visit Danny Tanner on the set of Good Morning San Francisco then I would have a prolonged affair with Becky. Uncle Jesse would be screaming "have mercy!" if he had any idea what we were doing. Ahh..... but that was fantasy and this is real life. I more or less married Roseanne and have a similar figure to John Goodman. That's what I call having a case of the Kimmy Gibblers or Kimmy Gibbler Syndrome. It's something inexplicably shit, annoying and frustrating all rolled into one. Sure the fact my wife and I have sex but at the risk of sounding ungrateful, the effort involved in getting there may not seem worth it. Dry swallowing 2 Nurofen, inserting a rubber pump into my "inflation zone" in my groin and then choking down a viagra whilst fantasising about a topless Jennifer Anniston has killed the romance. Total Kimmy Gibbler Syndrome!

When I think about the Parrots, I don't think of a situation where we as team have Kimmy Gibbler Syndrome or KGS for short, it is more a less a team mate that I think resembles Kimmy Gibbler. Not in looks otherwise we'd prolly hog tie them and throw them to Tony Zappia for a good old fashioned beat down, but I mean in terms of attitude, annoyingness or my new favourite word "shitstainededness". In this team you may think one player is a total Kimmy Gibbler while Geoff may wanna Stephanie Tanner them while Frankie may be a DJ Tanner style guy (older, more experienced and with looser moral standards) but it all comes back to the fact that they are probably just an Uncle Joey. Awkwardly unfunny, Canadian with no real discernible value. Hats off to the Unle Joeys of this team, you remain annoying but some how relevant with your "Cut. It. Out!" catch phrases, sterile haircuts and horrible dress sense but you don't drift into the world of Kimmy Gibbler and for this we applaud you. It takes effort to be that close to KGS without fully taking on the persona of that one bit of shit you forget to whip which ends up all over your white jockeys, just before you settle down to make out with your latest date who resembles a less feminine version of Samantha Ronson.

We all know who the Kimmy Gibblers are in this team and to them, I'm glad your not Stephanie Tanner because the chemistry between could tear apart the universe.

P.S. Dowd, don't think for a minute you are Uncle Jesse. That is such an Uncle Joey think to do.

P.P.S. Yes Hutcho, your physical resemblance to Danny Tanner is amazing but not as amazing as the distance you'd have to cover to be half the man Bob Saget is.

P.P.P.S. It's ok to wanna do DJ Tanner aka Frank. Happens to the best of us.

P.P.P.P.S. Devil's 3-way with Gibbler is not an option. If you were on a deserted island with Megan Fox, you'd kill yourself from the shame of rooting a girl that is almost a dude, with another dude there. Way too many dudes!

P.P.P.P.P.S. Michelle Tanner was kinda a cute baby but a fucking annoying toddler. Nick Deluca anybody?

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Sorry Mr Cool, you probably don't get any of this. You may now continue watching reruns of The Kumars at No. 42 and be frighteningly amazed at how close to your life, that show is. I agree, it is like looking in a mirror....