8:00PM Get dressed at home. Maybe a Strongbow or 2 to get night started.
8:16PM Pump up Skitz Mix 3 and stretch for 'Worm' move.
8:17PM Change clothes into something a little more appropriate. Opting for Hawaiian button down shirt, blue Levi 501s, Jim Beam belt buckle and new leather shoes. Clarks, same brand as my Year 8 school shoes. The retro look is all the rage.
8:23PM Start doing hair.
8:49PM 3 tubs of hair gel later, hair is complete.
9:01PM Drive to job site near city. Park car and catch cab to cross.
9:58PM Meet boys for beer in generic Irish Pub. Got to the city in 23 minutes. Nobody believes me. Explain shortcut via Wiseman's Ferry, Gold Coast and Ballina. Nobody understands, may have fooled them.
10:26PM Buy Jagermeister bomb. Barman doesn't know what I mean. He says "Oh, you mean a Jager bomb". I say "Yeah, that's what I said. Jagermeister Bomb".
10:39PM Request Screaming Jets song from DJ. Looks at me weird. Plays song instead, I sing along anyway. I dunno the words but I don't think anyone notices.
11:01PM Time to hit the first club. Hope I get laid....
11:39PM Haven't been allowed into any clubs so far. I tried talking to the bouncers but they thought I was smashed. Spose I am....
12:04AM Get into the Bourbon and head straight for the bar. Vodka, lemonade, red cordial and Red Bull. Fuck the disco biscuits, I'll be out there in a minute.
12:08AM On the dance floor. carving up! Been knocked back by 18 chicks so far. Oh well, with each failure I am closer to success.
12:12AM I've used all my dance moves except the 'Worm' and it's too early for that. I've already done the point, the my hands are guns point, right foot forward with head shake, left foot forward with head shake, hand clap and hands in the air. I thought they'd last longer....
12:14AM Try the 'Worm' out of desperation. Shame Thommo spewed on the floor before I did it.
12:16AM Buy new shirt from Asian shop next door. $3 and it's heaps better than the one I just ruined.
12:40AM Run into the Ibrahim boys. Tell 'em how pissed off I am about their bro gettin' chk chk boomed. They don't recognise me. Told them we'd met heaps.
1:03AM Realise I've never met the Ibrahim boys before but had only seen them on TV. Boys think I am a legend so I keep it up.
1:27AM Angus reckons he knows a place that heaps of celebrities go to like Ian Roberts, Tom Cruise, John Travolta & Perez Hilton. I'm in...
1:38AM Arrive at Lotus Butterfly and walk straight in. There are chicks gettin' onto chicks everywhere!
1:42AM Have hit on 6 chicks and they all say they are lezos. I say 'so what? Bring your girl too!' They ask me if I know that lezos only like other birds. I say yeah but let me in on the action. They walk off. I don't get lezos....
2:15AM Have had my arse smacked 23 times without a girl in sight. They must be ninjas. Guys seem friendly though.
3:21AM They've played Lady Gaga here about 400 times. The guys go crazy about disco sticks. Dunno what they are but I want one.....
3:27AM Guy keeps asking if I'm a bear. I keep saying no, I go for the Tigers. Ya know, Benji, Farrah and Tuaiki. Bought me a drink though. Appletini's rock!
8:09AM Just woke up. Must've picked up cos I've got pash rash. Man, must've done a ring stinger last night cos my arse kills.... I'm goin for Yum Cha.
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