If I.....

Last night I was playing little game with Mrs Blogger called "If I...". It's quite simple, you just follow up "If I" with shit you'd like to have or do. I wanna play it in a Parrot themed way so here it comes.

If I were a millionaire I'd sign Jeremy Evans to an exclusive contract to the Parrots so I'd never have to go this long without seeing him ever again!

If I were a doctor I'd fix Baxter's knees and back so he could return for the Parrots.

If I had a television program called Biggest Loser, I'd strap Werns to a treadmill untill he dropped below 150 kilos or 5% butter.

If I could invest in any new revolutionary exercise equipment designed in the Hills District I would put all my money into the "ab-crunch-roller-king by George" or whatever the fuck it's called.

If I were a detective I would find out why Edge suddenly wants us to call him Reg. It's annoying and really childish.

If I were bad at blogging..... hahahaha, as if that would ever happen!

If I were hypothetically attracted to any player in a homosexual nature it would be Frank.

If I were a lesbian, I'd probably hit on Hutcho until he told me he is in fact a male and not a member of the Degeneres family.

If I were Indian, I could probably score my friends sweet deals on naan ovens unlike some......

If I were Jewish, I might understand Dowdstein a little better and then use it against him to break into his secret safe and steal all his gold and precious stones.

If I were Daniel Fairclough, I'd probably by a Dido CD and listen to it in the dark with a solitary burgandy candle lighting my face as i sang along.

If I watched Lost I'd probably think it was awesome but know in my heart of hearts that it is the single worst television show to feature a fat guy, lezo and polar bear.

If I were on Lost, I'd feed the fat guy to the polar bear and hang out with the lezo.

If I were The Juice I'd be happy that everybody had finally caught on and was calling me The Juice.

If I bought a commitment dog I wouldn't tell anyone about it or let my girlfriend post pictures of me and it on facebook.

If I were a Korean immigrant, destined to play soccer with the Parrots, I would take offense at some Kraut eroticising over 2 of my favourite players.

If I were George, I too would not stop checking myself eh meh, out.

If I were Geoff, I would probably try to stop checking George out.

If I were Hayden, I'd get out of Geoff's bed. It's almost 3:30pm!